I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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