life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
