WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
