you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would one night stand the shit outta him
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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