We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
this boner is exhausting
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
