I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
