this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
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How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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