you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
