there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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