Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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