Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
