I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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