I want to make a zoo with you.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Randomize
