WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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