so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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