you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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