i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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