and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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