she smelled like a LAN party
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
