Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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