Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
