you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize