Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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