Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
