if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
