i think my tv is drunk
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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