yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
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