dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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