Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
