party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
