there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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