Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
