i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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