no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
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