who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
