I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I party with great urgency now.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
