aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
