Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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