i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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