Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
