Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Randomize
