i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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