I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
