she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
