I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
