you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
