How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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