I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Randomize
