If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You're like the curious george of whores
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
