P.S. I can't hear my feet
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?