I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?