did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
21 MILFs That Made The Boys Crazy
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
23 Ladies Who Have Mastered The Art Of Squirting
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober