I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
