just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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