I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
