if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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