Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
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