Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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