You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
