tell your sister to shave her snatch
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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