I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
