i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
