It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
